Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
