Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
smell my finger.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
