Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
