i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
