Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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