Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
