You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
