Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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