Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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