Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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