I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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