the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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