I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
