i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
