3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize