We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
