My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
