I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
