Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
zippers are such a cool invention
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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