watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
