Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
