I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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