dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
