I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
