I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
