Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
