Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
