nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
