Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
false alarm. still invincible.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
