All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
3 2 1 whiskey
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize