he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
