Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
