I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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