What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
