ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize