You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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