Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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