we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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