see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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