My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
