omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
