i think my tv is drunk
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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