I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
