Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
