break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
