how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
