Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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