idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
