she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize