so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
