I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
