I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
