My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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