I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
