you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
