About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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