I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
