i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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