Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
