She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
