Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
