The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
