DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
