Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
