my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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