take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
