how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is Oprah even human
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
