spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
