You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
