Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
